JULIE: Why did the CHICKEN cross the road??
DIDA: Its about time we started teaching Chicken the values of NOT crossing roads. Its better to stay on one side of the road than the other. Suppose it was knocked down by a speeding car! What would it have said? That's the kind of Chicken that would vote for Waititu.
KIYAPI: It depends with WHERE the chicken was going. Crossing the road is NOT the end of the story. I resigned from the Education Ministry to fight for the rights of Everyone! Chickens included! If a chicken wants to cross the road,let it cross the road! That's what my party RBK stands for!
UHURU: The JUBILEE government will ensure a 24-hour Economy where a chicken will NOT have to cross ANY road in search for jobs. I will create jobs right where the chicken is standing... And the ONLY time a chicken leaves the work station, is maybe when its going to answer charges at the ICC.
KENNETH: I was born in Bahati. We used to call it, "Bahaa.....", I went to Starehe, where we used to each chicken every weekend. And am sorry,I think we ate that chicken too. Anyway, dont worry, My Government will create another chicken within the first 100 days...
MUDAVADI: Did YOU mention a CHICKEN?? Julie Gichuru, did You JUST mention a chicken?? Wait, Is that chicken here??! Am sorry but I think we are NOT supposed to be discussing a chicken. We should be EATING it!
KARUA: I believe in Integrity. I pushed so hard for that chicken to stay ON one side of the road. But the two principals failed to convince their troops to stop the chicken from crossing. The constitution is clear on the role of chickens. And My government will NOT only bring back the chicken, I will also close down that road!
RAILA: Chickens are just chickens. That is the kind of chicken that owns huge tracts of land on the other side of the road! As a chicken,I believe You should stay in one place! Not crossing roads every now and then! You cant lay eggs through Skype.
MUITE: The Safina Government will get down to the bottom of the matter! You cannot convince Me,or any rational Kenyan,that that chicken was acting alone! NO! That chicken must have been sent by other chickens! You cannot tell me that other chickens were NOT aware that that chicken was crossing the road! Of course they were! And am NOT holding brief for that chicken,but My Government will investigate the matter and include more chickens in this whole 'Road-Crossing' Scandal!
*Julie faints and falls back,crushing to the floor*
*Ngilu wakes Up*
The same Question is asked to non-presidential candidates. Lets sample the answers:
WAITITU: First and Foremost, let me tell you Julie, the road that that chicken was crossing, wasn't even there last year. I created that road after re-claiming that land which had been grabbed. I still have a case in court regarding that road. As for the chicken, I swear I didn't incite it. I didn't!
SONKO: In Makadara, Chickens have always been crossing roads without being questioned. Why Now? Let me tell you,I am the one who paid school fees for that chicken and opened businesses for it! And am sure it didn't cross that road! The police are lying! I will file a court case to challenge that story!
MARY WAMBUI: I don't care whether that chicken crossed the road or NOT. The fact remains that I am the one who won the TNA nominations. The Othaya People are my Jehovah Witnesses.
MUTAHI NGUNYI: How many chickens are we talking about here? And how many roads are we talking about? According to the tyranny of numbers,I am sure that chicken didn't make it to the other side.
KAMENCHU: Let me ask you,was that chicken wearing an underwear??
ESTHER ARUNGA: I LOVE MY husband to death. And it doesn't matter whether you call him a chicken or not!
JIMMY GAIT: I support success. That chicken is a hard-working chicken. It understands that it has to make it or make it!
OCTOPIZZO: SWAG ni kuvuka barabara.
MAINA KAGENI : Why are chickens crossing the road so much these days? Is it because the cocks cannot satisfy them in bed? Should chickens cross roads in the first place? Talk to Me,my number is........
ROBERT ALAI: Here is that Chicken's number. 0720202020 .Call it and ask it why it crossed that road!
KABANDO WA KABANDO: That chicken must have been sponsored by CORD to cross the road. Why is it that ONLY Citizen T.V saw it crossing the road??
RABBIT(KAKA SUNGURA) : Kuku ikivuka baro,haifai kupigiwa kelele. Inafaa kupigiwa makofi za kilo....ADISIA. ...ADISIA....
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