Some Laws....Newton forgot!

Law of Queue: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

Law of Mechanical Repair: after your hands become coated with grease, yr nose will begin to itch.

Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Bath Theorem: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!

Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Theatre Rule: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Definitions

1. Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.

2. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.

3. Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

4. Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

5. Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power.

6. Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage…also the only place where success comes before work

7. Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.

8. Ecstasy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

9. Classic: A books, which people praise, but do not read.

10. Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

11. Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

12. Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

13. Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

14. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sitto decide that nothing can be done together.

15. Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

16. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

17. Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

18. Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

19. Opportunist: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

20. Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

21. Pessimist:- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY …also, a guy, who in the land of milk and honey only sees CALORIES and CHOLESTEROL

22. Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

23. Father: A banker provided by nature.

24. Criminal: A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.

25. Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

26. Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

27. Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

28. Idler: One who gets paid for reading such mails......

Things we've learnt from movies

1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people whether they are employed or not.

2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.

5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts-your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

6. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

7. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.

8. Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

9. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

10. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.-excuses to justify the visit!!!!

11. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

12. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

13. It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

Harambee stars

Judge to child: Do you want to live with your mother?

Child: No Judge: Why?

Child: She beats me.

Judge: Okay, so you want to live with dad?

Child: No

Judge: Why not?

Child: He beats me too.

Judge: So who do you want to live with?

Child: Harambee Stars.

Judge: WHY??

Child: They never beat anyone!