As I mature

I've learnt that, you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learnt that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

I've learnt that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I’ve learnt that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you better have a big willy or huge boobs.

I’ve learnt that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others – they are more screwed up than you think.

I’ve learnt that you can keep vomiting long after you think you are finished.

I’ve learnt that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I’ve learnt that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.

I’ve learnt that 99% of the time when something isn’t working in your house, one of your kids did it.

I’ve learnt that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.