Random Me: January 2009

January 27, 2009

Why do men die first?

This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries......but, now we know.

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race...you're a male chauvinist.

If you stay home and do the housework ...you're a pansy.

If you work too hard ... there's never any time for her.

If you don't work enough ... you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay.... this is exploitation.

If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay ... you should get off your lazy behind and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her ... that is favoritism..

If she gets a job ahead of you ... it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks... it’s sexual harassment.

If you keep quiet ... its male indifference.

If you cry ... you're a wimp.

If you don't ... you're an insensitive bastard.

If you make a decision without consulting her.... you're a chauvinist.

If she makes a decision without consulting you.... she's a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn’t enjoy ... that's domination..

If SHE asks you ... it's a favor.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear ... you're a pervert.

If you don't ... you're gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keeps in shape ... you're sexist.

If you don't ... you're unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape...you’re vain.

If you don't ... you're a slob.

If you buy her flowers ... you're after something.

If you don't ... you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements ... you’re full of yourself.

If you don't ... you're not ambitious.

If she has a headache ... she's tired.

If you have a headache ... you don't love her anymore.

If you want it too often ... you're oversexed.

If you don't ... there must be someone else.

Men die first because they want to!!

Fancy some new shoes?

Take a pick. I dont mind the number of pairs you pick. They are all on me.......

January 26, 2009

Gals leave their schedule wide-open and wait for a guy to call and make plans.
Grown women make their own plans and nicely tell the guy to get in where he fits.

Gals want to control the man in their life.
Grown women know that if he's truly hers, he doesn't need controlling.

Gals check you for not calling them.
Grown women are too busy to realize you hadn't.

Gals are afraid to be alone.
Grown women revel in it-using it as a time for personal growth.

Gals ignore the good guys.
Grown women ignore the bad guys.

Gals make you come home.
Grown women make you want to come home.

Gals worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their man.
Grown women know that they are pretty and/or good enough for any man.

Gals try to monopolize all their man's time (i.e., don't want him hanging with his friends).
Grown women realize that a lil' bit of space makes the 'together time' even more special-and goes to kick it with her own friends.

Gals think a guy crying is weak.
Grown women offer their shoulder and a tissue.

Gals want to be spoiled and 'tell' their man so.
Grown women 'show' him and make him comfortable enough to reciprocate without fear of losing his 'manhood'.

Gals get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it.
Grown women know that that was just one man.

Gals fall in love and chase aimlessly after the object of their affection, ignoring all 'signs'.
Grown women know that sometimes the one you love, don't always love you back-and move on, without bitterness.

Gals will read this and get an attitude.
Grown women won't.

January 20, 2009

Alphabet of a call girl

A is for...anal sex

B is for...boobs

C is for...cumshot

D is for...dirty talk

E is for...extreme sex

F is for...fun

G is for...genitals

H is for...hot

I is for...internal

J is for...jizz

K is for...kinky

L is for...lust

M is for...multiple partners

N is for...nature

O is for...orgasms

P is for... purrfect

Q is for...quickies

R is for...raunchy

S is for...semen

T is for...tits

U is for...

V is for...vagina

W is for...willy

X is for...xxx-rated

Y is for...yeah baby

Z is for...zillion

Z is for...zebra sofa

Y is for... yes!!!!

X is for...x-trondary

W is for...wet one

V is for...very hot

U is for..universal position.

T is for...tasty

S is for... sexy

R is for... rubber

Q is for... quick

P is for...penis

O is for... ooooh

N is for... nasty boy

M is for...masturbation

L is for... lick me

K is for... kiss me

J is for... just us

I is for... infertile

H is for... hot

G is for...greasy

F is for...fantastic

E is for...erotic

D is for...daring

C is for...cuddling

B is for...boring

A is for...adorable

January 19, 2009

Kenyan tricks...deadly

Mwangi and Maundu wanted to go out drinking, but they only had Ksh. 200 between them.

Maundu said, "Hang on, I have an idea." He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.

Mwangi said, "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all."

Maundu replied, "Don't worry - just follow me."

They went into the Velvet Lounge where Maundu immediately ordered two double shots of Jack Daniels. Mwangi said, "Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money to pay for this!" Maundu replied, with a smile, "Don't worry, I have a plan. Cheers!"

They downed their drinks. Maundu said "OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you get on your knees and put it in your mouth." Said and done, the barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out. They continued this, bar after bar, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the tenth bar, Mwangi said, "Maundu, I don't think I can do this anymore. My mouth is sore and my knees are killing me!"

Maundu said, "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage at the third bar!"

January 17, 2009

Bye bye Bush

Forwards n Junk Mail

He did what you told him...

He sent the e-mail to 10 people like you said.

He's still waiting for that miracle to happen

Something to smile about

Today I woke in a bad mood. It was raining hard and because to me everyday is a working day, had to go to office in the rain. Something, happened though. A friend of mine gave me this pictures and they put a smile on my face. Lets share the smile.........................................

January 13, 2009

50 Mistakes Women Make When Having Sex - GUYS SPEAK OUT

Preface: YES, there are other groups that list all the mistakes men make, and YES, we are aware that they exist, but they are not important in this group... focus around here is only around the funny ass mistakes that women make. This is according to men and I had nothing to do with it.......

Assuming he can get a raging hard on when it suits you.
Thinking that kissing needs to be this sweet romantic thing all the time.
Leaving him responsible for your orgasm.
Expecting him to cuddle.
Expecting him to fall asleep with you in his arms.
Expecting him to always lay on the charm and romance.
Being selfish in bed.
Using Cosmo as a sex bible.
Whining when he pushes your head down on his cock instead of stroking your hair.
Not moving at all. Missionary is not an excuse to do nothing

Expecting him to undress himself with any amount of grace.
Not shaving your legs.
Allowing your crotch to resemble the Amazon.
Assuming that sex means a relationship.
Withholding oral sex just because you're ragging.
Expecting him to figure out what you like by what noise you make.
Leaving condoms up to him
Getting your undies in a bunch when he talks dirty.
Refusing to be spontaneous.
Dissing quickies because it's not some slow sensual ordeal.

Being too much of a pussy to tell him what is or isn't acceptable before you start bumping uglies.
Expecting him to undress you.
Undressing in the dark.
Refusing to get on top. There's no reason men should have to do all the work.
Getting that bored look on your face.
Expecting him to do all the touching when you're riding him
Being too afraid to guide your partner's hand when he's touching you.
Getting into bed, getting naked, fooling around and then deciding that you just want to cuddle, then getting offended when he doesn't.
Refusing to let him take control. So you are a feminist. Big fucking deal. Letting him call the shots doesn't make you any less of one.
Refusing to take control. It's ok to crawl across a bed to him on all fours, push him down and crawl on top. It's not his responsibility to start things all the time

Forgetting that he has a body that likes to be touched, too.
Ignoring his balls.
Leaving him to his own devices. Nothing is worse than a girl who gets you most of the way off and then bolts because she doesn't want to deal with the mess.
Launching into some speech about not being an object for sex when he tries to titty fuck you.
Expecting him to handle you like a porcelain doll.
Refusing to try things in the name of "making love".
Taking things way too seriously.
Throwing a bitch fit when he asks for a threesome.
Continuing a blow job knowing that you have god-awful cotton mouth.
Nails. It's one thing tracing them up and down your partners back. It's another when you snag the goods with a claw.

Bitching when you get jizz on you.
Not making any noises at all. Moan. Scream his name
Faking orgasms. Just. Don't.
Not washing before sex.
Anything that involves inserting anything into his body that he has not specifically approved beforehand.
Refusing to use oils/whipped cream/other messy but fun things because you have these rare Egyptian cotton sheets that were made by hand by the only person alive capable of sewing that pattern.
Doing all of your before bed things before sex.
Cleaning up after sex.
Making a big deal out of it if he loses his hard on.
Asking questions right afterwards.

January 12, 2009

Wise Quotes and Sayings

Knowledge talks, wisdom listens.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me !
Only the wisest and the stupidest of men never change.
Don’t let your victories go to your head, or your failures go to your heart.
Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.
Criticizing is easy, art is difficult.
Violence won’t solve a thing. It makes it more challenging to solve, though.
I don’t know what the key to success is, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.
Not to care for philosophy is to be a true philospher.
The mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work unless it’s open.
The best mind-altering drug is truth.
Never forget what a man says to you when he is angry.
A winner listens, a loser just waits untill it is their turn to talk.
Guns don’t kill people — people do.
He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.
If you are not part of the cure, then you are part of the problem.
The only time you run out of chances is when you stop taking them.
The best things in life are not things.

January 11, 2009

Sisemi Kitu!!

50 reasons to have sex according to "How I met your mother"

I love comedy series. One of my favourites is "How I met your mother". I particularly love this list they came up with of "50 reasons to have sex". Smile with me