Gamarjobat - Amazing Comedy Duo

This is by far the best acts I have watched online. These guyz got me going. Perfected art

How to know she is not the one

This is how you know she is not the one...


1. She puts sugarcane in fruit salad
2. She has a nyahunyo in her handbag.
3. Instead of saying goodnight babe, she says "strong mtu wangu"
4. She introduces you to her pals as "huyu ni chali wa me".
5. Her legs are more hairy than yours.
6. She eats her toe nails & calls it pedicure.
7. She sleeps in a bamburi cement T-shirt.
8. Wrestling is her favorite tv show.
9. When u ask her how she is doing she replies "hakuna wow wow"
10. You tell her how much you love & treasure her... that she is your sweetheart.. she replies "WAZI WAZI MSEE WANGU, HAINA PRESSURE", ama hakuna mbbbrrrrrrcha!

God is Watching You

• You buy panties at Muthurwa market you come to Facebook and write "I love Victoria Secrets" #GodIsWatchingYou
• Eating Ugali with the smell of your neighbour's soup and updating **Enjoying my Shawarma"  #GodIsWatchingYou
• Heading to your shags and stranded at Machakos Country bus and you update "Flight Delayed" #GodIsWatchinYou
• You are drinking Flying Horse and Yokozuna yet you update "Johnny Walker on the rock" #GodIsWatchingYou
• You added in your education ati you studied ABROAD yet you dont even have a passport  #GodIsWatchingYou
• You traveled from Ocha to town and you update *****I love travelling the world*** pssht!!  #GodIsWatchingYou
• You use rubber bands to hold your phone yet you update *** I just love my Samsung Galaxy** #GodIsWatchingYou
• Hakunanga stima kwenu but wen there are no lights in the estate, you are the first to update, "Damn KPLC or F*#k KPLC  #GodIsWatchingYou
• You are home watching Inspekta Mwala, you update "At Nakumatt Galleria watching The Hangover 4" (which has never is not yet out)..remember #GodIsWatchingYou
• Your boyfriend has left your house on a boda boda and you update "Drive carefully boo" #GodIsWatchingYou
• You know nothing about football but if Chelsea beats Barcelona you update ....... "Blues 4eva!" #GodIsWatchingYou
• Your mum sells Kerosene and your Dad sells Palm oil and you update on Facebook "My parents are into Oil and Gas now" You know  #GodIsWatchingYou
• You don't even have DSTV and you updating "BBA just started" ...  #GodIsWatchingYou
• Your boyfriend buys underwear for you and another guy is taking them off  #GodIsWatchingYou
• You borrow your friend BB just to update status Via Blackberry #Godiswatching u
• You are in a room apartment with your 7siblings & parents watching black and white Tv and you update ..**Chillimg in my crib****  #GodIsWatchingYou
• You just finished 4th round and tweeted **the Lord is my strength**  #GodIsWatchingYou
• You go to KFC to use their toilets then you update **Chilling at KFC** #GodIsWatchingYou  
• Your parents wanted a kid for 10yrs and you came. They named you Blessing. You changed it to **Hotshizzle**  #GodIsWatchingYou
• You update I love u boo and only u..and 25guys replied privately "Thanx luv"  #GodIsWatchingYou

Man stuck after being caught with someone's wife

Holy Molly!!!!

Abigail and Brittany ~ Conjoined twins

This is by far the most moving decision. 
God bless them

Movies Translated in Kiswahili

#MoviesTranslatedInSwahili ~ @JadeJela

• Mission Impossible - Hauwes Mek
• The God Father - Papa Shirandula
• Final Destination - Umefiika Rongai?
• Gone in 60 Seconds - Umeona Kanjo
• Two and a half men - Uhuru Ruto na Sang
• The transporter - beba beba
• Desperate Housewives - mabibi wa Nyeri

Africa's best puppeteer

This is by far the best puppeteer ever. This guy literally brings the puppets to life. OMG. Uploaded to YouTube by my friend Rebizz. Watch this!!!

Yoga for Wine Lovers ~ Funny

I was just going through YouTube and found an amazing video. Gives some insight on how to drink wine adn same time not lose out on your Yoga exercise. Enjoy

Mesmerizing

I love the art and sense of style in his moves. This guy know what he does and he has mastered it to the bone. Clean and clear. No mistakes. The frequent slow motions give you and insight of exact moves made. I just love it

Pauline Jela. 2nd Anniversary

Its two years today since you left us. Our hearts still bleed at the thought that you are no longer with us. The memory of dedicated Doctors and Nurses trying to resuscitate you, are fresh in my mind. We know you are in a great and way better place right now. And that you are watching over us. We celebrate you and will forever cherish the memories you shared with us. We The Jela Family love and miss you dearly. You are the best thing that ever happened to us. R.I.P Pauline Jela. Till we meet again darling, till we meet again

Protect your valuables

It is very important to protect your valuables regardless of the circumstances at hand. This video of Chinese boxers demonstrates exactly how.

Added to an offending list in Twitter? Don't worry

Here are the steps

1. Click on the twitter list that you’ve been listed on.

2. Click on the user/twitterer that created that list

3. Click BLOCK

4. Click UNBLOCK

5. Done! Check your twitter list and you’re not in the “stupid mustaches” or list that you don’t want anymore.

However there are some things that you need to know, blocking and unblocking will cause both of you to unfollow each other on twitter. That means you won’t be following them and they won’t be follow you anymore.

From: AskAaronLee.Com

How to insert symbols in Facebook status or Twitter

How do I insert music notes or hearts into my Facebook or Twitter status?

There are two ways…

1) Copy ASCII symbols from here (copy paste them directly)

♥ – heart
♫ – Two musical notes
♪ – One musical note
☺ – white smiley face
☻ – black smiley face
☼ – sunshine

2) Make them yourself!

This works for some people and not for others, but each of these characters can be typed on your keyboard using the ‘alt’ button. Make sure you ‘Num Lock’ is on because you are typing using the number side!

Next, hold down ‘alt’ and press type the following:

Hold ‘alt’ then type 1 -☺ (white smiley face symbol)
Hold ‘alt’ then type 2 -☻(black smiley face symbol)
Hold ‘alt’ then type 3 – ♥ (heart symbol)
Hold ‘alt’ then type 4 – ♦ (diamond symbol)
Hold ‘alt’ then type 5 – ♣ (clubs symbol)
Hold ‘alt’ then type 6 – � (black diamond with question mark)
Hold ‘alt’ then type 7 – • (round bullet)
Hold ‘alt’ then type 8 – ◘ (block with white circle)
Hold ‘alt’ then type 9 – ○ (unfilled white circle)
Hold ‘alt’ then type 10 – ◙ (block with filled white circle)
Hold ‘alt’ then type 11 – ♂ (man symbol)
Hold ‘alt’ then type 12 – ♀ (woman symbol)
Hold ‘alt’ then type 13 – ♪ (One music note)
Hold ‘alt’ then type 14 – ♫ (Two music notes)
Hold ‘alt’ then type 15 – ☼ (sunburst)
Hold ‘alt’ then type 16 – ► (black triangle pointing right)
Hold ‘alt’ then type 17 – ◄ (black triangle pointing left)
Hold ‘alt’ then type 18 – ↕ (up and down arrows)
Hold ‘alt’ then type 19 – ‼ (bang bang, or two exclamation points…it’s one character)
Hold ‘alt’ then type 20 – ¶ (paragraph symbol)

Kids Marshmallow Test

This one just cracked me up.

MACHAKOS COUNTRY BUS BLAST

Kenya has 42 tribes I hear. This is just but one of them

REPORTER:

"Briefly tell us what happened here at Machakos country bus."

MUTUNGA:

"Kusema okweli siyawai sikia mulivuko kama usu! Nilikua ninakunda kasota vaya kwa ile kivanda ya kokokola nikingoyea mbasi ya kule kwetu inaitwanga katethya usu....Nakwambia vunda si vunde, kuvumba na kuvumbua, vulombox ya white ilikua na ioo ndinted ,ikalucha kivulusi ambacho nilisuku ni manguluneti ya mbomu kwa savavu vile iliusya ata siyui niseme aye nilisikia Tua....Tua...Tuaaaaaa! Kusitukia niliyikuta kwa ngunia ya makovisi huku kwa ngeiti ya muthulwa...kuangalia kwa mkono asisii ...supa ya sota hakuna,siyui nitaambia mwenye nduka aye!kwa sambambu aliachwa na ndivositi yangu na supa yake imelivuliwa na io mulivuko..tavathali naomba silikali ituangalie tukombenzetiwe...asandeni...ni mimi wenu Mutunga"

A married lawyer had sex in his car and forgot the girl's panties in his car.
His wife saw the panties in the back seat, tore it apart screaming "What's this?"
He calmly replied, "You just destroyed the evidence of a rape case, worth millions that I'm handling.
She quickly went on her knees apologizing.

Do you call him Smart, A Good Lawyer or A Damn Good Liar?

Bend Over Theories

It's true that.....

When a Village gal BENDS OVER,she must be collecting firewood.

When a Luo gal BENDS OVER,shes collecting stones to throw.

When a Kalenjin girl BENDS OVER, shes about to compete in a race.

When a Kisii girl BENDS OVER, shes trying to cheat in exams using mwakenya on her slippers.

When a Coast gal BENDS OVER, shes simply sweeping the floor.

When a Church gal BENDS OVER, the lord is pleased with her prayers.

When a Nyeri gal BENDS OVER, be careful she might be searching for a panga to slash somebody

When a Nairobi girl BENDS OVER, the whole club goes CRAAAIZY...!!

Before and After marriage

Here is a statement from the Green Belt Movement which she founded:

Wangari Muta Maathai (1940-2011)

It is with great sadness that the family of Professor Wangari Maathai announces her passing away on 25th September, 2011, at the Nairobi Hospital, after a prolonged and bravely borne struggle with cancer. Her loved ones were with her at the time.

Professor Maathai’s departure is untimely and a very great loss to all who knew her—as a mother, relative, co-worker, colleague, role model, and heroine; or who admired her determination to make the world a more peaceful, healthier, and better place.

Prof. Wangari Muta Maathai started the Green Belt Movement in 1977, working with women to improve their livelihoods by increasing their access to resources like firewood for cooking and clean water. She became a great advocate for better management of natural resources and for sustainability, equity, and justice.

Prof. Maathai leaves her three children—Waweru, Wanjira, and Muta—and a granddaughter, Ruth Wangari. They are truly very grateful for all the prayers and support they have received.

Nine year old with cancer

Watch these videos. I was moved. Although I can tell that she has rehearsed what to say, but I believe there's part of the speech that is purely hers. Quite something

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJBic-Rp9qk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vzq6EaHmrY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=677CdUHmTp8&NR=1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iRpzRj95s6Q&NR=1

Enjoy